I think
part of the reason I was never able to fully commit to killer retro style is
because I am a lazy git. I mean, it seems impossible to exude vintage glamour when
my go-to look is, say, more on the “natural” side with manicures provided by my
stressed chattering chompers. Don’t get me wrong, if I had the time and money, I
would very much have the inclination to fakify it up. I tried eyelash
extensions – and got to feel like the prettiest of princesses for a good week
and a half before I freaked out and ripped them off (To assuage my increasing
paranoia of looking dumb once they had started molting, I decided to just take
clumps of my own eyelashes out – logic!). And manicures I just can’t do. First,
I apparently have super thin skin because I never escape a manicure without at
least 20% of my fingers bleeding and being doused with the dodgy communal
bottle of anti-bleed potion. Second, I have got more ants in my pants than a
toddler. Can’t sit still. Just can’t. I love the way manicured nails look but I
seriously get palpitations just thinking about going to the salon. I swear once
the lady almost started a fire with nothing but the emery board and my fingertips.
Shudder.
So when I got
the last minute idea to go to the Bethnal Green Working Man’s Club “Cream Revue”
night of retro loveliness I needed a quick fix to the state of my aesthetic
life. A quick (though not as quick as Boyfriend would have liked – OBVIOUSLY!)
trip to Boots cured most of my woes. I seriously love that place – you can get
everything there. I picked up a JUMBO Elnett, some Pretty Polly backseamed
nylons – which didn’t survive the night – and a set of Impress Press-On nails
in leopard print. I read mixed reviews of them on various blogs but figured
anything that looks half decent and takes less than ten minutes to do is worth trying.
So there
they are! Ignoring my epically gangly fingers, I think they look pretty good… a
bit cheesy but pretty dang good. I mean, they are fun and seem to give me a
little extra oomph that can only come from vintage-inspired inconvenience –
goodbye putting on nylons and using my iPhone with ease!
The best part - The faint
glitter around the spots and the fact that the base colour is a super old
school salon pink give me a real John Waters look / feeling and I dig every
second of it.
Would I buy
them again? You know what… probably definitely! For £8.99, they are easy to use and have
so far lasted 24 hours – which is much better than my average regular manicure –
and I didn’t bleed!
Some tips for any of you out there that want to try these:
1. Seriously, do your thumbs last.
2. Sometimes the tabs / plastic backing on the glue is quite stuck so be careful and maybe practice pulling a few tabs off the unused nail sizes first so you don't crack the nails you want to use!
3. Seriously, do your thumbs last.
4. Wipe nails down with nail polish remover as well as the prepping pad provided.
5. Don't forget to use the included mini emery board to sand down the nubs leftover on the tips of the nails to avoid snaggin'!
Remember; Year of Gigi!
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